Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
