Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
