two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How does one acquire holy water?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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