My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
