I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
false alarm. still invincible.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
