i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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