If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
