you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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