Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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