Moan for me like Helen Keller
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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