I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
