Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
