My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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