I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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