So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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