you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
