You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
