im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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