if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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