11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
