how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
