just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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