It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
