Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
