saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
