I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize