i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
