awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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