Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My bed smells like the plague
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