you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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