saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
