He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
