Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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