loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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