Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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