I wish my penis had an off switch
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
