Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
