They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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