my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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