I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So vagazzling was a success
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