im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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