She said her name was "party"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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