god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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