Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
