I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize