I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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