Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
