at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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