my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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