I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
