My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
