I am spending my child support on dildos
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
