i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
