i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
